Since childhood i always had that chilly scary feeling when i thought about big days.
As far as i can remember it first catch me when i started thinking about my X board exams , literally when I m in VI standard I thought it would never come , I was not prepared it for then but soon I grow up and when i get into IX standard I am all set for Boards , well that life for you , when time comes it comes I know there will be a day when i would die , I m not prepared for it now , none of us is, but pay attention to some old folks around you your grands and like that , the strange fact is that they are more or less but prepared for that big day when they leave all these things Good or Bad ,depends on them, but still they are definitely all set to sail.

So what happens over years , Do they get Bored here , Are they sick of biggest sickness called 'old age'? , OR did they realize the ultimate truth of God? Or simply they are sick of all this rush all around and simple want peace?.

Anyways thats enough of theology , I thought this is a childish feeling and will go away as i grow up but I found it growing more and more intense , AM I becoming more coward as i m growing ?
OR AM i scared of more things now ? OR teens of this country have bigger issues to deal with ?
I dont know the feeling grew intense and intense just the things changes now it is XII board and those scary IITJEE,AIEEE .

Its good to talk about them with friends , parents and teachers but hidden is that feeling inside you what will happen that day , those 3 hours WILL I BE ABLE USE MY MIND UNDER THAT PRESSURE OR WILL I become one of those scary stories where a students knows everything before exam but was not able to convey that on those silky white sheets of paper, I know everyone listen that story at some point in there life .

But you know this time i figured out what prepares you for those monsters , or you may say decision day like your board maths exams its the tension . Strange it sounds but indeed the truth it really is the post exam tension for boards you may say its the 1-2 months before exams when you know every one gears up , your teachers helps you always by reminding you how much time is left ! lolz! I dont know what they get by doing the same to every batch every year but they did the scary part pretty well . And then your parents starts avoiding you to take you with them to marriages and to relatives < you have board in a month after all !> and those stupid neighbors who knowing everything ask again and again <you son has board exam this year na><oh your son is intelligent and will definitely get good marks !JEALOUSLY INSIDE!> sometimes i feel like aunty can i ask your sons/daughters marks but you have to resist that feeling after all this is no position to show attitude.

But odd enough all these hardness prepares you mentally for that big monster and afterall hard work does help and just before the day of exam it doesnt matter you are all set with bows and arrows like there is one way only in life you have to get through this exam , life becomes a set of rules 1. sleep early 2. get up early exams day 3. willing or not put all your brain on answer sheets ...............................other things doesnt matter at all , try the yummiest food before where is the taste ? some code replaces you and you felt back to normal once you get past those 3 hrs leaving you with array of feelings a[0] hurray i did it........a[1] oops i missed few questions .....a[2] Oh god that was horrible a[3] ...........................nothing to say i gona fail .................


So finally I met the XII board eye on eye I was not scared anymore for me it was mostly a[1] or a[2] so it doesnt matter I did it feeling evaporates temporarily . But you know what when all the other stream students are happy at the end of board and there is a lot of merry making around you there are sections of student for them its nothing just a Small hurdle of the way , A stop to rest on , few seconds to recharge for the big race.

Enemy in front of you and unlike the boards you dont know which arrow to choose there are lots of them <HC verma , notes , Test Series what not water water everywhere not even a drop to drink>

And then it all begans like ramayana where you defeat one enemy and take a breath and then more stronger appears suddenly JEE , EEE BITS VIT , RPET and you never know what happens but there is no space for that feeling in all this mayhem.

Than you rest for a while pretty useless boring day ! and then suddenly suspense ends results are out and you go through various operations like seeing a movie in 10 X fast and whatsoever it be MIT , IITB , some NIT , any private college or some useless person name _ _ _ _ _ INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY i always wonder why did they choose such stupid name !

Skipping 10 X fast you stand at the front of your college gate with strange thought seniors , you check out your college library you check you wallet and in a stylish tone you ask the cateen wala "BHAIYA EK PATTIES AND ONE MOUNTAIN DEW " and then someone ask you one simple question "FIRST YEAR " haha lolzzzzzzzz amazing "DER KE AGE JEET HAI" and then i think you want to do it 20 X fast :P

then it all goes on like a loop "party , movie internet "....."MID SEMS"..."party , movie internet "..."MID SEMS "...."party , movie internet "...."END SEMS " ..."party , movie internet "
i never cared to find out why college exams do not gave those scary feeling ARE THEY TOO EASY HAVE I FINALLY GET RID OF IT AND BECAME FEARLESS ? well you wont find the answer till you enter your VII sem or so .

Suddenly you find that people those who use to cram up reverse ABC for exams suddenly started to sound like Einstein they are trying to understand the concepts behind things .....HOW A ARRAY IS STORED IN MEMORY ACTUALLY ? HOW DOES THIS SORT REALLY WORKS? WHATS THE COMPLEXITY OF MY SOLUTION :) how has it become so imp now DOES COMPUTER START CHARGING MONEY PER LOOP :) OR WHAT ? why they are worried abt complexity ?
Sooner you find better you feel they are preparing for Companies ...........again that feeling stuck WILL THAT DAY COME WHEN I GET A JOB OR WOULD I EVER GET A JOB OR HOW WOULD I ANSWER IN INTERVIEW WILL MY LEGS SHAKE OR WHAT .................................

Soon you absorb all this but still feeling occupies some part of your heart and brain !
that einstien season is over and soon people switch to what they always do cramming more cramming overnight and just literally vomit on answer sheet and forgot about it !

Time travels fast and you stand @ bank of river <3 months vacations> river water is warm and smooth its so relaxing , you want to do a lot of things play games , go for a vacations , movies aha! and internet you started to enjoy the warmness of river , its peaceful and sweet flow and you just relax yourself but slowly and slowly river pushes you to the other side and you either realize that in the mid or sometimes at the other side that other side is coming close full of terrors and opportunities you dont know what to grab what to leave .

BUT this time travel from mid of the river or whensoever you realize does prepares you for BIG DAY and that feeling hidden inside for one year or so evaporates now you know the day has come! and now you have to jump in an ocean full of opportunities and dangers and find way for yourself !!

SO IS IT TIME TO SAY GOODBYE TO THIS "FEELING" LIKE AT SOMEPOINT OF TIME WE GET RID OF OUR FEAR FOR GHOST ! OR IS IT JUST A TEMPORARY RELIEF..........................
WELL LIFE IS BIG ENOUGH TO DISCOVER MANY THINGS SO LETS DISCOVER IT TOGETHER!